


Tarts and Vicars

by Scandalmuss



Series: Hartwin Week 2015 [4]
Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: AU of choice, Crossdressing, Eggsy & Roxy Bromance, F/M, Fancy Dress Party, Hartwin Week, Inspired by Bridget Jone's Diary, M/M, brief almost smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-25
Updated: 2015-08-25
Packaged: 2018-04-17 03:49:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4651116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scandalmuss/pseuds/Scandalmuss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hartwin Week Day7: AU of choice. In this, Harry and Merlin are actual tailors and Eggsy and Roxy are just BFF's. </p><p>Eggsy and Roxy are invited to a staff function by Roxy's boyfriend Merlin. Eggsy's hoping to see his crush Harry Hart!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tarts and Vicars

**Author's Note:**

> I've always wanted to go to a Tarts and Vicars party! What better way than to do it vicariously through some fun characters!  
> There are a few nods to Bridget Jones and a quick one to Monty Python!

"Ugh!" Roxy grunted, "Eggsy, _Jesus_ just hold on to the door frame!" she pulled the corset strings tighter, regardless of the gasp of breath from her best friend.

 

Eggsy looked behind him and his eyes pleaded with hers, "Rox! I think it's tight enough!" he choked out.

 

Thankfully, Roxy tied up the ribbon ends and Eggsy could stand up straight. Not like he had much choice, the corset had very little give. He smoothed his hands down his sides. The corset was a newer purchase, he'd only ever tried it on a few times and this would be his first time out in public in it. He walked over to the mirror and gave himself a once over. The [corset](https://41.media.tumblr.com/d3240364b8fe7ba33b2614a34c08bd8f/tumblr_mufgyuB8BN1qeuuqmo1_500.jpg) was a matte black affair with small ruffles along the sweetheart top and the hem. He was suddenly very grateful that he'd put on his stockings and garters ahead of time. With the way Roxy had tightened the corset, he'd be lucky to be able to bend over at all.

"You may have to end up being my Prince Charming and put on my shoes for me!" he grinned.

 

Roxy had slipped into her black bunny one piece and was madly searching for her tail, "And flats weren't an option?"

 

Eggsy looked offended, "Roxanne Morton! How _dare_ you suggest something so hideous! This outfit demands heels and you know it. Besides, I planned on wearing those heels you got me for my birthday!"

 

Roxy's expression fell into one of longing, "Oh my god, those shoes were so fucking gorgeous. I really should've bought myself a pair."

 

"Yes. You should have!" he said smugly, picking up her tail from the bed, "Turn around and let me _nail your tail!"_

 

Roxy glared and smacked him on the shoulder. She bent over slightly and handed him a safety pin, "Don't poke my ass!"

 

Eggsy carefully thread the pin through the tail and fastened it to her costume, "I hope to say the exact opposite tonight!"

 

She laughed and turned around to fix his hair, "Remember, you're not allowed to make a big scene at this do. It's Merlin's boss's party and it'll be the first time I meet him."

 

"Who has a bloody Tarts and Vicars party as a staff event?!"

 

"Oh shut up. It's going to be on the old man's estate so there will be lots of room to wander and mingle. We won't be stuck with old people." Roxy's eyes lit up. She wiped off a bit of Eggsy's lipgloss from his chin, "But I do know that Harry is going to be there," she said mischievously.

 

Eggsy's jaw fell, "Shut. Up."

He'd met Harry a few times since Merlin and Roxy started to go out. The first time they met, Eggsy basically just stared at him over lunch. The man was gorgeous. Not to mention well-dressed, well-mannered but wasn't afraid to let the odd "Fuck!" out on occasion. Eggsy had been smitten immediately and had yet to figure out if Harry was even gay; but Merlin had apparently assured Roxy that Eggsy had nothing to worry about when it came to Harry’s sexuality. Eggsy in turn made sure to flirt shamelessly whenever they were left alone together and he barely got a rise out of Harry. Every. Single. Time. Eggsy was starting to think that Merlin didn’t actually know Harry’s type at all and was just making Eggsy look ridiculous.

 

Today would be different though. Today Eggsy wasn’t in his chav gear, or even his standard polo and baggy jeans. No, today he was sex on legs and if that didn’t work on Harry, then that man was a lost cause. Eggsy had never really been shy about his love of lingerie and his confidence just blossomed in heels. Harry would be seeing a part of Eggsy that not a lot of people had ever seen. This would be Eggsy at his most vulnerable and yet most confident. He was elated to get a chance to show this side to the older man.

 

“C’mere and let me do your make-up,” Roxy ordered, while pulling out a chair at her makeshift vanity table.

 

Eggsy sat down and closed his eyes. He loved the feeling of someone else applying the make-up. He always felt like he had way too heavy of a hand to do the delicate bits that Roxy aced. Each pass of the make up sponge or the blush brush just calmed him down. He smiled and Roxy chuckled, “You really should learn how to do this if you like it so much!”

 

“Nah. You do way too good of a job and I’d hate to take the pleasure away from you,” he grinned smugly, still not opening his eyes. She pinched his arm and he yelped. “Oi! I can’t keep still if you’re doing that!” he complained.

 

Roxy held his chin in her hand, “Nonsense. You’re just sensitive. I’m doing your eyes now so don’t move.”

 

Eggsy sat still and tried not to move his eyes at all. He’d tried to do his own eyeliner once or twice and he always ended up looking like The Winter Soldier. Roxy finished in seconds and then brushed on some mascara. He felt her blow on his eyelids to get things drier before he opened his eyes.

 

“Well don’t you look fucking gorgeous?!” she beamed.

 

Eggsy turned around to look at himself in the mirror. Roxy had done an amazing job. He just looked fierce. He glanced up at her, “Rox, I look stunning! You did such a good job! Thanks, love!” He stood up and kissed her cheek, “You’re the best.”

 

Roxy started to dust glitter powder over each of their shoulders, “You're welcome, Eggsy! I’m just glad that this is something we can do together.” She looked at her phone, “Oh god, the car is going to be here in ten minutes! We need to get out the door!!”

 

\-----

 

Eggsy ran his fingers along the leather interior of the car. He looked over at as Roxy started to adjust the strap on her heels, “Does Merlin spoil you with this kind of stuff often?”

 

“Oh shut up, Eggsy,” she grinned, “My guess is that he’s just making a show of it because it’s his boss’s party.”

 

Eggsy tugged on the corset, “And you’re certain we’re going to be welcome there?” He had a tendency to speak his mind, even when it wasn’t appropriate. He didn’t want his big mouth and even bigger attitude to wreck things for Merlin at work.

 

Roxy nodded, “Of course! Despite being an old man, apparently Arthur is very open-minded and just about anything goes at his annual Tarts and Vicars party! I think we’ll fit right in!” She pursed her lips and blew Eggsy a kiss. He winked in return.

 

This was going to be fun.

 

The car quickly pulled up to the King estate. Roxy leaned over Eggsy’s lap to look out his window. The grounds were massive and they apparently just kept going, “Oh my god, Eggsy! It’s like Pride and bloody Prejudice here!”

 

Eggsy’s jaw dropped as he tried to take in the massive house in front of them, “This is insane, Rox!”

 

The car stopped and they watched a valet come up to the door. Roxy scrambled back to her side of the car, avoiding any misunderstandings (with her former position over Eggsy’s lap) with the valet. The door opened and Eggsy happily stretched out his leg and slid out of the car. He caught the gaze of the valet and smiled smugly in return. He knew he looked unusual but he was comfortable enough in his skin and in those clothes that he wasn’t about to give a fuck about what anyone thought. Roxy stood next to him and took a deep breath. She linked her arm in his, “Let’s go!”

 

An attendant met them at the front door and directed them to the back of the house. Both of their heels echoed in the large and empty hallways. They looked around at the grand staircase and the super expensive art on the walls. Eggsy was impressed and had to stop himself from whistling. The house was gorgeous and Eggsy couldn’t wait to see the gardens. The attendant opened a set of french doors and Eggsy and Roxy found themselves standing on a patio facing dozens of other tarts and vicars. Luckily, no one had really turned to notice them so they tentatively walked to the edge of the patio, looking out for Merlin. Roxy spied a bright red hat and pointed.

 

Eggsy laughed, “Oh my god, no one ever expects the [Spanish Inquisition](http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01292/spanish_inq_1292561b.jpg)!” he got ridiculously excited, “ _Monty Python?_ Oh my god Rox, I might just love Merlin,” he said as the man in question started to walk towards them.

 

Merlin immediately hugged Roxy and kissed her neck, causing her to giggle. He pulled away and took a good look at Eggsy. A single eyebrow raised and he grinned slyly, “Looking good, Eggsy.”

 

Eggsy winked and put his hands on his hips. “Feeling good, Merlin.”

 

Merlin wrapped his arm around Roxy’s waist and guided her towards a crowd of people. He toyed with her bunny ears till she swatted his hand away, “You look gorgeous, darling.”

 

She placed her hand on his chest, “Eggsy seems to think you’re dressed as something from Monty Python.”

 

Merlin whirled around and hugged Eggsy. He held him out at arm’s length, “No one has gotten it yet! We live in the bloody UK! How has no one gotten it yet?!” he scowled. He pulled Eggsy back to him, he whispered in Eggsy’s ear, “Harry is over by the punch. If you commit any sins on the way, he’ll absolve you when you get there.” he winked.

 

Eggsy blushed furiously and was suddenly very grateful that he borrowed a pair of Roxy’s Spanx. He was held in very tightly and was hoping he could maintain some calm because there would be no way to hide an erection in his current outfit. He looked over to the punch table and saw Harry standing there, in a fitted [priest](http://theredlist.com/media/database/muses/icon/cinematic_men/2000/joaquin-phoenix/073-joaquin-phoenix-theredlist.jpg) costume. God, that white collar looked good on him. Eggsy turned around and saluted Roxy and sauntered off in Harry’s direction.

  


\----

 

Harry nodded absent-mindedly. Bors’ wife was currently chatting at him (not with him) about a local gardening competition. He’d checked out almost the instant she walked up to him. He could barely make eye-contact with her; her outfit was borderline obscene and he just couldn’t do it. She paused in her speech and he interjected with an “Uh huh.” and cast his gaze around the garden. He spotted Merlin’s ridiculous hat and then took note of the bunny on his arm. _Lucky bastard_. Roxy would have been a delight compared to the tedium of Bors’ wife. His mind drifted to Eggsy. Now _he_ would’ve been a welcome distraction. That boy had done everything in his power to ruffle Harry’s feathers ever since they’d met and Harry had always casually brushed off the boy’s attempts at flirting. He’d been far too obvious for Harry’s liking. Well, that’s what he tried to tell himself. In reality, he brushed off Eggsy so he wouldn’t look as interested as he actually was. God, if only Eggsy was at this bloody event. Harry wouldn’t even hesitate to take him into the hedge maze and ravish him thoroughly. He started to salivate at the thought of Eggsy in a priest outfit. Just ripe for corruption. Harry’s thoughts were interrupted by a sultry sounding voice.

 

“Mind if I cut in?” Eggsy purred. Bors’ wife gave him an obvious once over and then huffed as she stormed away to find her husband.

 

Harry started to laugh but then choked as let himself get a good look at what Eggsy was wearing. This was nothing compared to the priest outfit he’d just been imagining. Harry swallowed the lump in his throat as his gaze travelled all the way down to the spiked black stilettos,  _“Christ, Eggsy!”_ was all he could say. The young man was in fucking lingerie like it wasn’t a big deal and Harry started to breathe a little heavier.

 

Eggsy bit his bottom lip and looked up at Harry innocently, “Can I confess my sins to you, _Father?_ ”

 

Harry stalled. Fucking fuck. Here was the object of many late night guilty wank sessions, in possibly the most gorgeous outfit ever. It was like the corset was made for his body and those stockings? Good lord. Harry was certain he could die a happy man at this moment. He cleared his throat and tried to sound normal. “Has anyone shown you the hedge maze?”

  


\----

 

Roxy looked at her phone. She’d tried calling Eggsy and texting him but there was no answer. She knew he was a grown ass adult and could handle himself but she still worried. Merlin came up behind her and kissed her shoulder. “I bet you 30 quid that he’s with Harry right now. He’ll keep him safe. I promise.”

 

Roxy nodded slowly, “You had better be right.”

  


\-----

 

Eggsy held on to Harry’s shoulders as the man continued to ravish his neck. The hedge wall was kind of prickly but Harry was certainly creating enough of a distraction for him to forget about it. He moaned as Harry’s hands slid down from his waist to his arse, squeezing gently.

 

“You look fucking delectable,” he whispered into Eggsy’s ear.

 

With his heels on, he was more at Harry’s height and it made wrapping his leg around Harry’s waist that much easier. He felt the older man’s growing length brush up against his own. Eggsy keened and started to rut against Harry, “Can I confess a sin in progress?” he whispered brokenly.

 

Harry growled and lifted up Eggsy’s other leg so he could thrust in earnest, “My dearest tart-” he licked up Eggsy’s neck, “-We need to get you out of those clothes.”

 

Eggsy threw his head back and nodded slightly. A breathy, “uh huh” left his lips as he tried to cant up his hips to meet Harry’s thrusts. He cupped Harry’s face in his palm. “Except the corset,” he breathed heavily, “I don’t know if I could get it back on again.”

 

Harry smiled wildly, “You won’t be hearing any complaints from me.” He leaned and kissed Eggsy demandingly. His mouth seeking everything Eggsy could give him. The young man wrapped his arms around his neck and brought them even closer together. Harry felt Eggsy lick at his lower lip, he opened up happily, letting Eggsy’s tongue find his own. They groaned into each other’s mouths and suddenly Harry pulled away. Eggsy dazedly stared at him, “What’s wrong?”

 

He didn’t get a verbal answer. Harry lifted him out of the hedgewall and started to walk them both over to a small seating area. Harry put down Eggsy and sat himself down in a cushioned chair. He motioned for Eggsy to come closer. He was about to sit down on Harry’s lap when Harry’s hand stilled on his hip. Harry was breathing heavily and looked very flushed. He nodded at the corset, “You wouldn’t happen to have any lube in there would you?”

 

Eggsy smiled coyly and dipped into the top of his corset. He pulled out a small bottle of lube, “I needed to stuff this corset with something!” he grinned. Eggsy slowly walked up to Harry and dropped the bottle in his lap.He winked when Harry called him a ‘Minx”.  His hands rested on his lacy knickers. When he felt the satiny feeling of the spanx underneath he got beet red.

 

Harry looked up at him curiously, “Is everything okay?”

 

If it was even possible, Eggsy blushed even more, “Erm, yeah, yeah everything's fine, I just, oh my god.”

 

Harry smiled fondly, “What is it?” his hands moved up to where Eggsy’s were. His fingers slid beneath the lacy knickers and he got a confused look on his face. He pulled the knickers down and stared at the stomach (and now erection) holding in panties. He leaned forward, “How far up do these bloody things go?!” he joked, trying to lift up the corset.

 

Eggsy swatted his hand away, “Oh alright, piss off!” he said embarrassingly. “I wore them to like, fuck- to help things stay tucked away instead of having my cock just bounce out as I walked. Fuck, this is embarrassing.”

 

Harry laughed, “Well it would’ve been _far_ more embarrassing if I’d worn _my_ pair of stomach holding in/cock covering knickers,” he joked.

 

Eggsy choked out a laugh, “You wot?!” Harry pulled him closer till he sat on the older man’s lap. He rested his hands on Harry’s shoulders, “You’re not put off?”

 

Shaking his head, Harry grasped Eggsy’s arse and pulled him closer, “If anything, it’s made it more of a challenge,” he smirked, “And I like challenges.”

 

Eggsy leaned forward and whispered into Harry’s ear, “Why don’t we find some place slightly more comfortable and I’ll get down on my knees... _and pray,_ ” he beamed wickedly.

 

Harry leaned back to grasp Eggsy’s mouth in a languid kiss. His lips slid against Eggsy’s, causing the young man to buck his hips up. He started to nibble at Eggsy’s bottom lip, “May I escort you back to my place?” he whispered huskily. The young man nodded and ground his hips down onto Harry’s lap.

 

“The sooner the better, _Father,_ ” he smirked.

 

Eggsy helped Harry stand up. The both tried to right themselves before leaving. Harry offered his arm to Eggsy and they started to walk down the path to their right. Harry suddenly stalled and looked at Eggsy sheepishly. Eggsy kissed his neck, "What is it?"

“You wouldn’t happen to know the way out, would you?”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Sorry it was so late!


End file.
